Alive
by justbasics16
Summary: Pidge spends her evening out on a deck overlooking the city however instead of feeling the normal buzz of excitement in her nerves from seeing something new she feels absolutely nothing. What will she do to feel some sort of energy in her nerves?


The buildings were lighting up the night sky completely chasing away the darkness. Below, on the ground level cars sped past creating red and white blurs.

Pidge leaned against the railing taking in the view. The wind blew through her hair, moving it out of her face.

Inside the other four paladisn conversed with memebers of the coalition along with Allura and Coran. Pidge had sat for a while answering questions when prompted. Eventually she had come up with some excuse to step away.

So now here she was looking at this amzing view. She suddenly had the urge to cry and she looked down at the ground her barefeet grabbing her attention.

"Stupid wind," she said as she rubbed her eyes before looking back out at the city.

Granted the last few weeks had been hard on everyone, but no one had felt as much pain as Pidge had been feeling

A few weeks prior to this night the paladins had stumbled across an abandoned Galra ship. They boarded it and started a serch for surviors, despite the fact that they weren't expecting anything. They found none until they had reached the last cell in the brig.

Shiro had just opened the cell shining his flashlight in. A single figure reacted to the light and shied away. Shiro called Keith and Lance over to him and they entered the cell.

"Takashi?" A hoarse voice asked.

"Commander Holt?" Shiro crossed the room and knelt down next to the figure that had spoken.

"It's-It's me," there was a hitch in his voice as he spoke.

"Commander Holt, are you okay? Are you hurt?" Shiro asked as he shined his flashlight over his body. He froze as he found a long deep gash running from his right shoulder across his chest clear down to his left hip. His prisoner uniform was soaked in blood and smeared around him on the floor of the cell. Commander Holt grabbed Shiro's wrist and shook his head.

"There's no point. It's too late for me," he spoke in a whisper. He lifted his hand and pointed just behind Shiro, "but it's not too late for him."

Shiro turned to find a body crumpled on the floor. He motioned for Keith to check it out. After a moment Keith turned back to Shiro his light still shining on the figure.

"It's Matt..." His voice quieted for a second, "It's-It dosen't look good."

Shiro turned back to check on Commander Holt only to find his eyes closed. His hand rested still pointing at Matt. Despite whatever he had suffered before he now had a peaceful look on his face.

"Hey guys!" Pidge's voice called from down the hall. Pidge and Hunk had stayed on the bridge gathering as much information as they could from the broken control center about the ship and what could've happened as well as anything that could help them in their fight against Zarkon.

She now entered the room her eyes focused on the small tablet in her hands. "You'll never guess what we found," she says looking up her eyes bright, "we found that one-" her voice stops as she sees the two former prisoners on the cell floor. "Dad?" She calls softly.

Her footsteps are defening as she walks over to Shiro kneeling down next to him her eyes trained on her father.

"Dad?" She calls again her voice cracking. When she dosen't get a response back she looks to Shiro her gaze pleading with him to tell her what she was seeing wasn't real. That they were all just dreaming.

Shiro so very much wanted to tell her it was only a dream, but he couldn't. He could only sit there and watch as she came to the conclusion herself her once bright eyes dimming.

"Pidge, I'm so sorry," he says quietly.

"No..." She whispers, "No!" She scrambled over to Matt her hands scarmbling to find his pulse.

_Badump. Badump. Badump. Badump._

It was a slow and steady heartbeat amd she breathed a sigh of releif when she found it.

"Matt?" She called placing a gloved hand on his cheek, "Matt, can you hear me?"

_Badump. Badump. Badump._

He dosen't respond. He continues to lay still his eyes closed and his chest rising up and down slower than normal.

"Matt please..." Her voice sounding desperate, "please..."

_Badump. Badump._

The other paladins could only watch, their hearts breaking as they watched the scene unfold.

"Pidge," Keith whispered kneeling next to her and placing a hand on her shoulder.

_Badump._

She felt the last pulse of blood run past her fingers and then time stood still. The color drained from His face and the warmth started to leave his body.

She could feel herself starting to shake. The tears that had been building up finally spilled over and her body was wracked with sobs. She cried a hand over her mouth quieting herself. Keith wrapped her in a hug. She tried to push him away but he refused to move. She quickly lost the will to fight and she just let him hold her as she cried.

Several minutes later she felt herself leave the ground, but she didn't bother to say anything. She was numb to the world around her everything going in and out of focus.

Pidge shook the memory from ger head. She didn't want to go back down that road again. It had taken her nearly a week just to leave her room and a day or two after just to say something.

Everything she had worked for to find her brother and father had all been for nothing. She didn't know how she was going to tell her mother the news...that is if they ever got back home.

The traffic below had slowed and everyonce in a while a car would drive past. Pidge felt like that. She felt something but not as often as she should. She didn't feel anything as the wind blew across her face as she had relived that terrible memory. She guessed she wasn't as over it as she had thought.

She blinked her eyes slowly her hands held firmly onto the railing. She took a deep.breath. She needed to feel something...anything.

Opening her eyes she climbed over the railing balancing her feet carefully on the edge. Her hands held firmly onto the bar behind her. The wind whipped through her hair as she leaned out away from the building. She felt the adreniline coursing through her veins as her body would tighten up for fear of falling. It was amazing.

All too soon the door slid open and she's jerked back over the rail so fast the wind is knocked out of her. She's laying on her back her hands by her side. Looking up she finds the whole team looking at her with horror.

"What the hell where you thinking?" Shiro asked gesturing back towards the railing.

"I wasn't going to jump," she says sitting up.

"That's not what it looked like from in there!" Keith said, "look we all feel bad about Commander Holt and Matt, and we know what you-"

"No you don't!" She cuts him off as she jumps to her feet, "you have no idea what I'm going through. To you guys-" she points to all of them "-you all lost a friend." She points to herself, "I lost half of my family in one day, so no Keith you have no idea what I am feeling." She chuckles sadly, "in fact I'm not feeling anything," she holds her arms out to her sides, tears brimming at the edge of her eyes before finally falling, "I'm so void of emotion I needed to stand on the edge just to feel something."

The group is absolutely stunned by what they are hearing. Hunk immediately envelopes her in a hug and pats her head soflty.

"Oh Pidge, it's okay if you don't feel anything right now. It's going to take time to heal.

Pidge nodded her head bobbing up and down aginst his chest.

"And you know we're always here if you need to talk."

She nods again.

"Pidge...if you don't mind me asking..." Allura started to say.

"What were you feeling as you leaned over the edge?" Lance finished asking the question.

Pidge gave them her full attention while meeting each of their eyes.

"I felt absolutely...alive."

**_AN: so i was writing this at three am and i am just now fixing the errors so i hope it now makes more sense. Anyway i hoped you liked this! Please let me know if you like stuff like this for future chapters or just have a request in general._**


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